Time

I had time to reflect last night at work, Ipod on and listening to music, some lyrics stuck in my head "maybe time is all I need and a little hope... im gonna take this moment and breathe it in".
So I text you this morning saying that ive realised for you this is over and im sorry ive been trying to stay in touch when I see now that contact with me isnt what you want.

I miss you with all my heart, I ache and all I want to do is talk to you. If you had just talked to me, a few txts havent helped me to understand, you said you love me in the morning and then said you needed to be alone to sort your life out, which I can understand but you shut me out completely, I think I see now that im not what you need.
I know youre always going to hold a place in my heart, I never let myself love anyone before because I was too afraid of being hurt but im glad I took the chance, I know what its like to want to spend my time with someone and to put someone else first.

I will always be here for you, I hope you get your little boy because youre an amazing dad, anyone can see how much you love Matthew and would do anything for him so you should get to be a real dad, not the minimal hours she allows. If you need any support ill be here, you dont even have to spend time with me.

Good luck with everything, dont forget to be happy and remember that you deserve to be loved by someone amazing.

Struggling

Working 11/12 hour nights then crawling into bed around 9am absolutely exhausted, not being able to sleep because all I can think about is that youre not there to hold as I fall asleep. I honestly thought you loved me as much as I do you, you said it first, you wanted to move in with me and now youve walked away, you wont return my txt msgs and you didnt pick up when I rang. I know you said you needed to be alone but ive only ever tried to support you and encourage you to do what you keep saying you want to do, fight for your son.
I miss you so much, I ache to have you lying next to me when I sleep and I feel lost when im not working because youre all I can think about and I just want to see you.
At the same time, I know that even if you came back I dont ever want to feel this way again so you would have to show me you werent going to just let me go again, but I dont think youll come back.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your beautiful little boy, you deserve to be with him more than you are now because it's so obvious you want to provide for him and its wonderful to see. And I wish you happiness and love.

First night

So I did my first night at work last night, you were on my mind all night. I seem to be closing myself off from people, I don't remember the last time I was this quiet, ive never wanted to run away as much as I do right now. I would like two weeks on my own, somewhere I can just relax, soak up some sun, and miss you in peace, without someone asking me every morning 'how are you doing today?' Knowing I have to tell them im ok because otherwise theyll want to talk about it more and the only person I want to talk to is you.
I told you I would give you space and let you contact me, so this is why im writing this, I want to send you a link so you can know im thinking about you but I wont.

Not giving up

I know im supposed to be finding a way to be letting go but im writing this because I hurt and I want to be telling you all of these things, how much I miss you, watching you sleep, listening to you snore (yes, you do!) just being next to you.
I looked at your facebook page, which no longer says 'in a relationship' and I made a decision, Im not giving up hope, I still believe that if you love someone then that means something, I know love isnt always enough but sometimes people just give up too soon; love isnt supposed to be easy, it's something you have to work at to keep it alive.
SO, My facebook is now back to saying 'in a relationship' because even though you need space and time to sort things out, my heart is still very much in a relationship with yours.

The day it started

I slept on your side of the bed, my head on your pillow and even under your duvet so you know im missing you. There's a deep ache in the hollow of my heart and all im hoping for is you to tell me youre feeling the same, it's not just me.
I know you've got things to sort out, I have too but youre not alone, somethings you need someone by your side to do, even if they're not actually there, just knowing they're thinking of you is enough.